It was an instant impulse that I immediately changed my relationship status in facebook after what had happened. Some of my friends have right away asked, perhaps some just wanted to collect gossip. I forgot that not all my facebook friends are my closest.
I hate to lie, but I have to lie because I realized that it's not something that should be discussed in public sites-not until I'm ready to explain..
I hate to lie, but I have to lie for the sake of those people around us who really care..I don't want them to be worried-not until we've come out with a final decision.
I hate to lie, but I have to lie and tell them everything is fine, because I still wish to have it fixed. I may look stupid now, but it wasn't my intention to steal attention from anybody.. :( But at least, that way the damage has been controlled.
Yesterday I was furious..
Today I am in another throb of dagger-like pain..
I'm crying out for a better tomorrow..
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Remembering Papa..
Sept 10, 2004
BSU Intramurals has just been concluded. I was still squeezing my 2 gold medals while dialling my mom’s number. I couldn’t be more excited to break the news! When mama answered the phone, I right away told her I won the game. I was chosen as a chess varsity player for the engineering department and I was blessed enough to be a part of the best team..(hehehe!) We were able to win the 1st place and through God’s favour I was awarded the best board pusher for board 2. Yey! =)
When papa heard my news, I knew from his voice that he was pleased and happy. I knew he was proud of me. I knew it.. Even with my eyes closed, I could easily recognize his mood through his tone.
But never did I know that it would be our last conversation together... =(
They say that a mother is her baby’s first teacher. But unlike the usual norm, it was my father who taught me how to write. He’s to be blamed why I’m a left-handed. :-)
He was also the one who taught me how to read. Mind you he is not a patient teacher. I had to learn his A-PA, BA-KA, BA-TA, A-TE, KU-YA as fast as I possibly could, because I was afraid to get beaten with his precious belt!
Like any other little kids, I also had my own naughty side-uhm, sides.. I filched coins from my mama’s coin basket (we had a sari-sari store then) and bought some junk foods at our neighbour’s sari-sari store (haha!), I played mud and went home with my school uniform already mud-covered, I picked our vegetable plants which were yet to be fertilized, and so on.. But I could only remember one mistake I did that I got punished by him – it was one of our dinners, papa was to say a prayer for the meal. I was so hungry then so I said, “kahit wag na mag-pray”..ayun napalo ako at nakain ko yung alikabok ng walis tambo.. =p
I also learned what is meant by the word ‘bribery’ from papa (na nagaya naman nya sa lolo namin). We had a deal since grade school that for every gold medal I earn, I gain 50 pesos from him. He wouldn’t pay silver or bronze medals so I had to strive harder for that 50 pesos (mukha akong pera..haha!). But in college he paid me 100 pesos for every one point something grade (1.0, 1.25, 1.5, 1.75) and any stuff I wanted for every gold medal from any chess tournaments. Bribery, in a good way, is fun fun fun! :D I forgot to mention, He was my first coach in chess. I was 5 years old when he started to torture me, este teach me. (Pero wag nyo po ako pagkakamalang gifted, hindi na po ako marunong ngayon.. =p)
Hmm..that reminds me, he still owes me a jeans (the stuff I asked in exchange for the 2 medals I earned last sept 10, 2004) :D
Papa was not a perfect man. He also had his own flaws, he also committed mistakes, but he had always been a great great father (and briber..hehehe) to us. It has been 5 years since he joined the angels in heaven, but I would still cry whenever I miss him and I guess the pain of his lost will be infinite.
Papa had always wanted his kids to learn and be wise. Even his death had taught me a lot of lessons – he taught me to appreciate and value life, he taught me to step up and be a more responsible ate to my siblings, and most importantly, he taught me not to doubt God’s goodness (http://princesswithoutcastle.blogspot.com/2010/04/911-encounter-with-god.html)
I’ll always love him, next to God, he will always be the man closest to my heart..
Happy father’s day papa! Enjoy the view up there, and continue praying for us! :)
BSU Intramurals has just been concluded. I was still squeezing my 2 gold medals while dialling my mom’s number. I couldn’t be more excited to break the news! When mama answered the phone, I right away told her I won the game. I was chosen as a chess varsity player for the engineering department and I was blessed enough to be a part of the best team..(hehehe!) We were able to win the 1st place and through God’s favour I was awarded the best board pusher for board 2. Yey! =)
When papa heard my news, I knew from his voice that he was pleased and happy. I knew he was proud of me. I knew it.. Even with my eyes closed, I could easily recognize his mood through his tone.
But never did I know that it would be our last conversation together... =(
They say that a mother is her baby’s first teacher. But unlike the usual norm, it was my father who taught me how to write. He’s to be blamed why I’m a left-handed. :-)
He was also the one who taught me how to read. Mind you he is not a patient teacher. I had to learn his A-PA, BA-KA, BA-TA, A-TE, KU-YA as fast as I possibly could, because I was afraid to get beaten with his precious belt!
Like any other little kids, I also had my own naughty side-uhm, sides.. I filched coins from my mama’s coin basket (we had a sari-sari store then) and bought some junk foods at our neighbour’s sari-sari store (haha!), I played mud and went home with my school uniform already mud-covered, I picked our vegetable plants which were yet to be fertilized, and so on.. But I could only remember one mistake I did that I got punished by him – it was one of our dinners, papa was to say a prayer for the meal. I was so hungry then so I said, “kahit wag na mag-pray”..ayun napalo ako at nakain ko yung alikabok ng walis tambo.. =p
I also learned what is meant by the word ‘bribery’ from papa (na nagaya naman nya sa lolo namin). We had a deal since grade school that for every gold medal I earn, I gain 50 pesos from him. He wouldn’t pay silver or bronze medals so I had to strive harder for that 50 pesos (mukha akong pera..haha!). But in college he paid me 100 pesos for every one point something grade (1.0, 1.25, 1.5, 1.75) and any stuff I wanted for every gold medal from any chess tournaments. Bribery, in a good way, is fun fun fun! :D I forgot to mention, He was my first coach in chess. I was 5 years old when he started to torture me, este teach me. (Pero wag nyo po ako pagkakamalang gifted, hindi na po ako marunong ngayon.. =p)
Hmm..that reminds me, he still owes me a jeans (the stuff I asked in exchange for the 2 medals I earned last sept 10, 2004) :D
Papa was not a perfect man. He also had his own flaws, he also committed mistakes, but he had always been a great great father (and briber..hehehe) to us. It has been 5 years since he joined the angels in heaven, but I would still cry whenever I miss him and I guess the pain of his lost will be infinite.
Papa had always wanted his kids to learn and be wise. Even his death had taught me a lot of lessons – he taught me to appreciate and value life, he taught me to step up and be a more responsible ate to my siblings, and most importantly, he taught me not to doubt God’s goodness (http://princesswithoutcastle.blogspot.com/2010/04/911-encounter-with-god.html)
I’ll always love him, next to God, he will always be the man closest to my heart..
Happy father’s day papa! Enjoy the view up there, and continue praying for us! :)
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