more blog to follow...

that's all for now.. =p

Poem especially made for my birthday by my siz, Maureen Lugtu

a birthday poem:

A Butterfly

“Spread your wing and fly

Butterfly”

Every time I hear this song’s lyrics
One person I always remember
She maybe came from a trick
But she is a cobolicious family member

This girl is celebrating her special day
If wish will be given to you what can you say?
She’s Jay and Mara’s best
She is indeed my siz in crime especially in my heart quest.

How can we notice her out?
I’m sure you will hear her voice no doubt
Just listen to the noise
The tiniest chipmunks tone is her voice

She love butterfly and pink
Sometimes it set me to deep think
How can she be beautiful as she always say?
Ah! Maybe due to the features of a certified Norm as she called by Jay

My Message:

I won’t go further with this poem
I realize that I gave you a promise
So dearest siz... Thank you for being my stupid cupid
And thanks for sharing me your trouble and listening to mine too.
I already gave you many poems’ that speaks for you
Just keep this as a remembrance too.
Hope that all your wishes come true
I’m not a genie but if I could I make them granted to see your smile. Sure I will
You are a wonderful person. Thanks =)

Saka na lang ulit ung mga magagandang poems ha!

AJA

my monday

Created last September 29, 2008...

I never thought my Monday morning mood would turn better.

I never had a deep sleep since Thursday due to my inconsiderate colds and unstable temperature. When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel like going to the office. I kept on coughing and sneezing and coughing and sneezing at my bed...my entire body feels so worn-out yet i'm still very neurotic with my tasks. My lead expects us to send him the final video today for tomorrow's GA presentation. I wasn't able to fully help out last week, I needed to make up. So I decided to get up...

Upon reaching my cube, I saw my lead's pasalubong-a cute magnetic souvenir from Palawan . Beside it was also a hanging magnetic stuffed toy from one of my team mates and a note written "Kate, get well soon!"... that was sweet...! then I suddenly remembered I wasn't able to join them last saturday in our weekly 'badminton activity'...yes people, I am now into badminton..thanks to my patient team mates, I can now strike a shuttlecock with my new racquet (color pink of course) and make it land on the proper court!

With a smile on my face I turned my computer on and checked my mails. Good thing my lead has not sent any prescript to execute today,ye!No pressure,I can concentrate on helping out editing our video presentation..

After 30 minutes of reading new and old e-mails, my neurons finally got up into their proper positions. They were all ready to start accomplishing my tasks when unexpectedly my aim window flashed. To my surprise, it was *!&*~@* greeting me "good morning". Well it's nothing unusual, we chat everyday...like a day will be out of the ordinary without finding myself chatting with him-- except that it has been habitual(and conventionally accepted) of me greeting him "good morning" first. It may sound so silly though, but it actually caused my second monday smile..and I felt better..=p

After a short while another friend pinged me. She told me she's got a big problem and she wanted to cry - her crush hasn't popped her yet and she felt really awful. I laughed at her because she sounded like extremely mushy. Scratching my head, I told her to take the initiative to ping him, perhaps its not fattening to occassionally swallow her pride. But my muddle-headed friend firmly chose to remain stubborn. She explained that the guy has always been initiating their aim conversation and it's kinda odd for her to make the first move to shoot the breeze. I asked her what if he's waiting too? Then she reasoned out she wanted to stay "bashful virgin" (plus "huhuhu" and a crying face). Her statement caused me almost fell out of my chair laughing. Well I think there's nothing wrong about it. I grinningly uttered to myself "obviously she misses him...e ano naman kung sya unang mag-ping? hindi naman siguro sya mag-a-i love you...=p

I was on that situation when I saw my team lead walking towards me. So I hurriedly minimized my aol window and went back to work. When he reached my cube, he immediately asked me if I can do the deck for our GA presentation (the deck and video presentation are different). And worse, he needs it by 3:30 PM. I looked at the wall clocked, it's 2:45..arghhhh... I was distressed again... =,c

Of course I was not able to submit the deck on time. It's not that easy to think for a team description, team accomplishments, etc.. etc..

It's now 11:25 pm and I'm still here in front of my pc, waiting for my team mate. Hindi matransfer yung ginawang video sa gagamiting laptop bukas. Hindi daw yata compatible yung something ng usb sa something ng laptop. Bahala na sila dun,. At wala na akong English... =D

sizterrete

for my siz.. written on June 20, 2008

A solid, loud voice in a karaoke - could she be a singer?
A popular 'mamita' in the city - could she be a mother?
A well-liked poem for her close friends - could she be a poet?
A confidante, the sounding board everyone would wish for - could she be a seraph?
Or could she be just any other ordinary girl in town?

At the very first fleeting look, I never liked her. If there is one person I would lastly approach it would definitely be her. That was my initial momentary feeling. And I don't know why - maybe because I saw her as 'maarte', or maybe because she's so raucous and her voice sounded like a thunder to me and it splits my ears!

Or maybe because I was just used to stay at a silent room, where everything that surrounded me is books, formula, calculator...I was seriously preparing myself for the board examination for the past 4 months when the company hired me.
But uhhh! Whatever! I just don't like her! And that's the end of it.

But of course I don't need to show her all the things I had in mind. It's not my personality to attack anybody doing nothing to me.
After many months of pretending she never existed, we finally got the chance to be acquainted with each other.
Ferdie and Sean are my friends and she's Ferdie and Sean's friend too so I have no choice than to befriend her.
Perhaps I don't wanna lose lunch buddies..

That's how it was. Until one time I unintentionally pinged her.

I don’t know why I did it but I just enjoyed chatting with her the whole day.
I suddenly realized that I was losing myself, confiding all my cares in life with her - my top secrets,
my deepest fears, my nonsense decisions – everything!
And she was just there, smiling when I’m happy, listening when I talk, tapping my back
when I cry, and reminding me to stop when it’s over.

She’s really amazing! It still astounds me until now where did she get such kind of knack.
She’s so wonderful and I love her. I know she’ll always be there for me.

Thanks for everything siz! Hope you'll love this…

One of my Oldest Pieces..

This was written for my first boyfriend. I think i wrote this in year 2003, when I was still struggling with my subjects in college..looking back at those experiences actually causes me to laugh now..I really learned a lot from it, and thank God we ended up as good friends.

Here it goes..

He walked towards the locked door, unlocked it and slammed on his way out. He's gone.. he went away with somebody else, with one of my closest friends. I was left alone with a tear in my eyes and pain in my heart..

There are truckloads of mess piled up on my study table that night-my unfinished plates in drawing, my 20-item unsolved problems in geometry and my homework in chemistry.My aunt had called me for a dinner but my empty stomach doesn't want to be filled. I just said "busog pa po..." I heard her say 'ang payat-payat na nga di pa kumakain, mamamatay ka diyan sa ginagawa mo'. I whispered "I wish I did.."

The phone rang. I hurriedly went towards the telephone. I was very eager to know who called. I wished it was him.. I hoped it was him.. I prayed it was him who called to say he's changing his mind. That he still needs me. That he still loves me. When i reached the phone I hurriedly lifted it. The voice on the other line was unfamiliar and he was looking for my cousin. My cousin laughed at me while saying "Pahiya ka no? Akala mo naman kasi laging sa'yo".

Feeling disappointed, I went back to my room and seated in front of the mirror. I stared at myself and uttered "asa ka pa.."

I took a deep breath. But I couldn't help it, tears were all surging on my cheeks. 

I remembered how was it like during the first time I entered the university. I didn't like the place. I never dreamt of studying there.  Until such time I got used to it.

One time my instructor in P.E. grouped the class into 5 groups. The grouping was based on our seating arrangement. Seating beside me was a chinky-eyed, fair-skinned man, about 6 ft tall. "Tsk.. tsk.. kagroup ko yung masungit na intsik.." The group i belonged was always commended. We were tagged as the 'best group' in class. Courtesy of him. He always had his good ideas-it made me notice him.

Chemistry is one of my fave subjects. I would go to one corner of the room, away from my classmates just to listen as attentively as I can. But one time, during our chemistry class, he sat beside me. He asked me if I could make him a poem. I said "ok" and hoped he would stop but to my surprise, he talked, talked and talked. That was the very first time I missed taking notes from my chem class-the very first time I allowed somebody to interrupt me from listening. It all started there. We began to call each other at night and talk until dawn.

One weekend, we were at one of our classmate's house, doing our homework in drawing. He handed me a piece of paper. On that paper was written "I love you.."

..I was speechless..

Few weeks later while waiting for our professor for the next subject, one of my friends asked me in front of the class and in front of him if I love him too. Cornered, I looked at him. He was busy manipulating his calculator, as if nothing was happening. My friend asked me the question again. I didn't know where I got the courage to say "oo". Everybody yelled. I saw him looked at me. I saw him smiled..

I smiled for a while but the fact that I am losing him kept my tears pouring. That day was one of the darkest days in my life. That was the day when he said the nerve-wrecking words. The very day he asked me to let him go. I've got no idea, but I had let him leave without asking why.

Two weeks later I learned from a friend that he was courting somebody else. Someone who happened to be one of my closest friends. The news had really hollered my nerve. I was in deep pain.

Since we were on the same class, I saw how happy they were together. I saw how they giggled. I saw how tight he hugged her. I saw how he cared for her. I saw how he loved her. A month ago, I was on that girl's place. I was the one being taken cared of.

I was totally shattered. My studies were even neglected. He was all I needed. And I wanted him back.

He's generally good in class but he seldom does his homework and projects. Whenever I learn that he was not able to do them, I would secretly do the stuff for him.Everybody was pushing me to move on but I chose to stay there and wait for him. I had loved him so much and I had been more than willing to forgive him and accept him back.

2 long years had passed. I got tired of waiting. I eventually accepted that he's not really meant for me.

I learned that it is sometimes easier to let go than to hold on...

I learned that it is harder to move on when you are actually digging yourself deeper into the situation you're in..

I learned that you shouldn't fit yourself to a small-sized t-shirt when you actually have an extra large body..

I learned that when you are trying to wait for the person you're not sure would come back, you are actually hurting yourself with a sharp-edged knife--and the longer you wait, the more painful it will be..

I learned that closing his chapter in my life would not mean it's the ultimate end. It actually opened a new one...(=';'=)